Why I Hate Paolini

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I didn’t really have chance to be comprehensive about why I loathe this man so much last time, so I firmly believe now is the time. I’m off to Italy on August 1st so don’t expect any posts from me for a couple of weeks after that. Anyway, back to Paolini. Firstly, there’s the plagiarism which, sadly, is not enough to convict the little bugger:

• A young handsome farm boy named Luke who doesn’t know who is parents are lives with his uncle and while talking to a strange man of the village named Obi-Wan his uncle is murdered by soldiers serving the empire, formed by a Jedi traitor with his apprentice, and burns. Kenobi gives him a lightsabre and teaches him the ways of the force. While on their way to a rebel base they come across a hologram telling them to rescue a princess. They turn off course and fly to save her, but it is a trick and Obi-Wan dies but the princess survives. They reach the rebel base and there is a battle which he wins by flying a ship.And…
• A young handsome farm boy named Eragon who doesn’t know who is parents are lives with his uncle and while talking to a strange man of the village named Brom his uncle is murdered by soldiers serving the empire, formed by a Dragonrider traitor with his apprentice, and burns. Brom gives him a sword and teaches him the ways of magic. While on their way to a rebel base Eragon has a dream telling them to rescue a princess. They turn off course and fly to save her, but it is a trick and Brom dies but the princess survives. They reach the rebel base and there is a battle which he wins by flying a dragon.
• His characters are not only clichéd, but they revolve around an immature status quo. The woman cleans in the kitchen,  young farm boy is able to save the world, but, had it not been for the sudden strike of fortune (coming across an egg) it would have been destroyed by a creepy (and overly camp) old man with a name, Galbatorix, resembling that of a tacky year 300 meets Mars spin-off. Aplogies for the ridiculously long sentence.
• He completely abuses not only his position, but his fans. So many writers and in fact young people dream of his wealth, people queuing up outside shops in the early hours, waiting for the next book to be released. Let’s compare Paolini to, let’s say, JK Rowling. She is worth over £500,000,000 which in US money, makes her a billionaire. She tastes success–she achieved that in just 10 years from when Harry Potter first hit the stores. Then Paolini. Oh gaw. Worth around US $63,000,000, roughly £30,000,000. Sure that’s a lot, but he has reached the wrong end. I have always seen literature in two areas–the very bottom and the very top. The very top fans would be JK Rowling, the majority of her readers loving what she writes. Paolini however, has reached his optimum. He doesn’t have many fans surprisingly but why so then do we here about them all? Because he insists on having mile long blogs, huge websites and fans, releasing spoilers to boost his ego. Have you seen the latest of his ’spoilers’? He claims that what of the people in book gets pregnant. Wow. Like it’s so original! He’s now resorted into bringing random crap into his books to try and bypass the cliched, plagiarised devices (which remain many) with this junk. I would love to just go up to him and give him a huge slap.
• To continue with fan abuse. He says exactly the wrong things. Never have I seen Paolini say ‘I hope you are enjoying the books’ or ‘I hope you will enjoy Brisingr just as much, and it’s great for all of your support.” But nothing. Just releasing these spoilers to boost his ego.
• He compares himself to that of ‘Tolkien at his best’ and the ‘lyrical beauty’ of Seamus Heaney’s translation of Beowulf. It’s like comparing a lantern to a torch–you can’t just slot in.
• Paolini’s obsessions for archaism drives my head in. It’s as though throwing in some Victorian words will save him and make him seem uber good. Erm… don’t do that. His writing also odours a strange immaturity. Let’s take some examples… “Sorry,” Brom apologised… No! Just no! Then… “Galbatorix kicked Eragon in the fork of the franchise”. I mean, what the hell? Soon after Paolini writes “Galbatorix removed his head.” As if it were a day to day occasion thing. You don’t remove someone’s head. You lop it off.

Conclusion?

Paolini is a no-talent brat, and the film was such a *snort* pile of crap since the book was just el-Crapo and only published thanks to Mommy and Daddy, whose publishing firm open the paths to the easy market. I could go on, but unlike Paolini I know when to stop.

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Tags: Book Reviews, christopher paolini, Eragon, literature, novelist, Paolini, writer, Writing